She says to him: "I do not feel sexual attraction to you". He says "thank you". He is a gentle and humble man. I see him silently implode - I feel my own projected pain. 1 week later they are back in my therapy room. He looks ragged and makes his statement:the relationship , a relationship into which he has invested all of himself, is over, he delcares. He cannot see how a relationship can work without her feeling sexually attracted to him.She recoils: that's not what she meant!

Today a lead article in the SUNDAY INDEPENDENT looked back at South Africa circa 2007 and quoted Churchill's famous speech: "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.." Sexually speaking it was the worst of times with no significant change in incidence of HIV infections and rape, domestic violence and femicide continued unabated. It was the best of times with the increased roll out of ARV's throughout the country; introduction of a vaccine to prevent cervical cancer; a law that gives people 12 years and older permission to get ARV's and contraception without needing parental consent and of course the new defintion of rape finally was promulgated into law.
I predict that 2008 will bring us a law to decriminalize sex workers, increased attention on gender inequity and of course we will be witness to how sexuality is truely socially and historically constructed as we witness changes that will inevitably be brought about with the intensely interestign political drama that unfolds before our eyes. i urge you to keep an eye open for the religious right who have a tendency to creep into people's lives when a people are in flux and afraid of change.

13 December 2007 will be remembered as a milestone in the history of South Africa. After years of waiting, debating and tough decision making the NEW SEXUAL OFFENCES ACT 32 of 2007 was passed. The positives: a new definition of rape which recognises men get raped and have the right to the same legal rights as women and children; the definition is extended to include" penetration of the mouth, anus and genital organs of one person, or an object or part of the body of an animal". The negatives: the powers that be got a little confused and criminalized "any sexual activity no matter how light betweeen teenagers under the age of 16 in spite of both parties being willing.' So you as a parent/teacher/preacher can prosecute 2 14 year olds "macking" if you so wish and it then remains the decision of the courts whether these two consenting young adults should be prosecuted.

The city: East London. The venue: Numbers, the oldest club in East London. The occassion: Ladies Night.

Some history: A number of years ago I was invited by Gordon Graham, disc jockey of note, drive time on Radio Algoa, to do a gig with him in Port Elizabeth. 400 women , many very drunk, laughed, chatted and danced on the tables to their own merry tune whilst i stood on stage trying to "educate" them. I learned a lesson that night: groups of women gathering, alcohol, the anticipation of sex talk is the greatest aphrodisiac for women (and possibly for men too)in the world. I am sure there was not a dry pair of panties in that club - and that had nothing to do with the men who were panting outside the doors to be let in after 10pm. It had to do with creating a safe space for women to talk about and listen to sex talk. These women actually did not listen to me- Gordon, very embarressedly, had to request respect so i could get my voice heard amongst the hilarity of these women. I vowed: never this kind of gig again!

I feel proud and privileged to be witness to the changing of the old order. I voted in 1994, part of a mass who brought in a new order, so tonight feel the joy of being part of history once again.