One of the most disturbing scenarios for me in my therapy room is listening to a person who has divorced/separated discuss their co-parenting with their ex. It sucks.
Research has shown that post divorce parents have a responsibility to co parent as well as develop an individual relationship with each child. But seldom does this happen well. I think it is a completely paradoxical expectation :couples split as they cannot find harmony as two individuals. Asking them to coparent harmoniously is somewhere close to absurd. Yet it has to be the most essential task parents have to do for the sake of their children.
Literature indicates that cooperative parenting requires unity and symmetry in both parents styles. Satisfaction with post divorce financial arrangements , forgiveness and parents psychological adjustment are found to be significant predictors of positive parenting alliance in divorced parents.
Are you able to have these criteria in your post divorce /separation relationship? if not I urge therapy for the sake of your children. The goal is to achieve a level of negotiation in which respectful discussion can occur . Consider what is best for your children ,focus on boundaries, boundaries and more boundaries. In other words work out your stuff as adults, elevate yourselves from childs play into adult negotiation- for the sake of your children.
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