Is it because at the heart of us women we want to be attractive to men as society says this is where our value lies. So when we are rejected in this core place we are devastated? Of course I reject the objectification of women and deny that is where our primary value lies.Yet one cannot ignore that we have been deeply socialized into this myth and it hurts like crazy when we are rejected at this level of beauty.
As a therapist this is a challenging clinical experience.I know attraction cannot be bought in a bottle.I recognise that attractions wax and wane , and that we do loose attraction as we become different people.I also know that if there was a good, healthy mutual attraction in the magical beginnings of a relationship it has a greater chance of longevity. The killer of attraction remains relationship toxicity. Disrespectful, unhappy, neglectful relationships create a loss of attraction as do the 3 A's:addiction,abuse and adultery. Can attraction be regained? It depends on the meaning of disappointment ,the length of relationship unhappiness and assessing how healthy and real the attraction was in the beginning. Attraction is frivolous. Bottle it ,nurture it if you have it. Have a lot of ongoing sexual and physical contact with each other to remind the body how amazing it feels to be touched,rubbed and licked by a beloved.
Talking about bottles, many bottles of libido enhancers, maximizers of erections and promises of orgasm were on sale at Sexpo. People stopped by to ask me about their effectiveness-none I replied. They were confused and surprised- considering this 'natural"products industry is a multi billion dollar industry it is hard to resist its strong reassuring voice. Fact is there are no facts to back up the "facts"they market-for example there is no approved drug in the world to enhance pre menopausal women's low sexual desire.SO you are buying a lick and a promise- go home and play with yourself rather.
Speaking of playing with yourself- tune in to Radio GoodHopeFM tomorrow night at 8.30pm. My guest is New York based sexologist Jayme Waxman. We will speak to Jayme in New York and get her take on masturbation. She has written a book on women's masturbation. So e mail me questions for Jayme or call into the show.
Look into your mirrors, both your full length mirror and your vulva mirror, and develop a deep attraction for yourself. Sleep tight and play safe.
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