Archbishop Tutu began the conversation of truth and reconciliation. It was a political life saver for a wounded nation. Can it save lives of couples?
I see couples bleed , tear , beg and divorce in the hope of a partner saying "I'm sorry". The process of acknowledging , of taking responsibility for the hurt one has caused, intentionally or unintentionally, is what made the Truth and Reconciliation unique - and healing to a nation.
As a couple and sex therapist I am witness to hurt that sticks for years, hurt that causes cheating, self destruction as the one partner believes they really are to blame - for the partner's alcohol abuse/ affair/STI/ .
A simple "I am sorry" or " here is my truth - can we work towards reconcilitation with my truth" allows a release from hell for many confused partners.
A woman discovers her man on porn and instead of saying sorry, he blames her for not taking care of herself. A man's best friend tells him his wife is cheating. She justifies it through her stressful life, his lack of attention to her.
Just say sorry allows reconcilitaiton, allows one to exhale, pull out the bag of toys , I recommend the bang o and say let's play. There is no good example set by our present Government in offering thruth and reconcilitaiton. Couples lack skill on how to issue each other "please pass the visa office" and enter my heart again.
How do you reconcile? Do you think reconciliation is necessary?
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