From Langa township to the banks of the Vaal Dam to Sun City I site my most controversial moment.
In the last month I have travelled the country addressing, listening and learning from many thousands of women about sexual health and relationships. I love the questions that arise, observing the women move from a place of discomfort, hesitation, quietness, then right in! Right into discussions ranging from their genital shape to their nasty love affairs, and the men and women they love.
Standing in Johannesburg before a group of near 300 school moms at their school fund raiser, I was accosted by a mom about my point that everyone should use condoms. Hearing the silnce loudly, exercising my right to provoke thinking and create discomfort as a means of leaning about one's sexual health, I asked for hands raised who did indeed use condoms. Not one hand was raised.
A growling sound began and the first woman hammered into me for promoting condom use within marriages as in this way I am encouraging an arena of distrust between couples. She loudly and proudly announced to all that she was in a monogamous marriage and thus no need for condoms. She demanded an explanation from me as to why I was creating this arena of distrust..
I told her a story of a man .. a man much like I imagine her husband could be... a good, loyal and faithful husband, who found himself in Thailand on business. Lonely, seeking entertainment and company, he found his way to a nightclub/bar and hung around the bar with the many available women. Because he is a kind man, he took pity on these many poor economically deprived Thai women, and decided paying for sex with one of them would be an act of charity- and add to the Thai economy. No condom was used as he really did not plan this and came home to infect his faithful wife with a STI.
The women were by now grwoling louder.. A few slides earlier in my presentation I had shown them statistics that most sexually active people have high chance of having HSV - herpes simplex virus, a highly common and contractable, non symptomatic STI. The woamn came back at me - she challenged me that if my information is correct, she already has HSV so why disrupt her trusting relationship by insisting on a condom. Even I know when to bow out gracefully. (www.lovelife.org)
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