I know you do not want to read this blog, may decide not to, as daily you hear many stories of sexual violence.
A number of years ago my family and I were the victims of sexual violence. For months, even years, my attention was focused on healing myself and my family from this uninvited, unexpected event. I did not pay attention to the perpetrators. Instead I went on a self defense training course with Sanette Smit , was emotionally held by Charlene Smith and attempted to secure my house without buying into a security business that takes advantage of vulnerable traumatised people.
This last week I spent days at the SVRI forum conference, hearing latest research findings, many on perpetrators of sexual violence. Finally I got to understand via thorough evidence based research what creates a perpetrator: internationally results show that the perpetrator is the guy who had a bad deal in childhood. He's the guy exposed to childhood violence, witness to it as well as experiencing his own sexual violations, traumas such as bullying, absent parents,disrupted families and hence hanging out in gangs.
Gangs are high riks for may reasons, most especially it teaches man an incorrect view of what masculinity is really all about. This masculinity says that men are entitled to rape women, any woman. It tells that men need more sex than women hence another justification for rape.It gives and gets cofusing messages from women about sex and thus take any opportunity when sex is presented to them.
This knowledge contains its own solutions: teach parenting, teach partnering all in an attempt to give kids a chance to avoid the inevitable sexual violence and trauma in childhood. Schools must teach comprehensive sexuality education, and church leaders need to offer sex ed and communities need to provide spaces for kids to hang out in the afternoons rather than belonging to gangs.
I left the conference feeling overwhelemed with the amount of work that needs doing, tremendous anger at the pain and suffering of women all over the world plus a deep committment to work with men and boys.
I welcome your ideas on how you can make a difference in your communities: do you think you cna do anythign to prevent sexual violence in your home/community?
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