Article Library
Romance and Sex Books
In “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” Ogi Ogas taught me that more women read romance online than men watch porn. I was aghast and did some of my own research and found that all kinds of women , even smart women are reading romance. I began to search for and read romance novels. Venturing into romance books is not merely good business sense. After all I am a therapist first and foremost. Couples consult me as women commonly lack sexual desire. Fantasies are limited in women. Their sexual imaginations are not fed. They need fantasies to feel sexual and aroused. Romance novels and women’s porn can educate , entertain and arouse women – and their partners. I want women … Read more
Masturbation Month
Masturbation is the first and most popular form of sexual behaviour boys and girls experience. Reaching down and touching one’s own genitals is as natural and instinctive as exploring one’s toes, nose or fingernails. We just do it. Genital exploration is simply more pleasurable. Hence the desire to repeat this behaviour. Again and again. Welcome to Masturbation Month. A month in which I plan to bring you facts, fiction, stories , sex toys and forums to talk about masturbation. Consider your own masturbation story as you read on.. Sexism and negative rigid sexual messages often begin with parental response to masturbation: perfectly “natural” for boy children, perfectly slutty for girl children. Girls soon learn this touching of genitals may lead … Read more
Women who seek love and sex too much
It’s known as Compulsive Impulsive Sexual and Relationship Disorders in Women. It’s different from being infatuated , from having a crush or from wanting a lot of sex often. Its about women needing love and sex to feel whole, to feel well. It can result in devastating consequences. I remember reading Women who Love to Much by Robin Norwood. I instantly felt like one of those women: without boundaries, over giving to my partner, neglectful of my own relationship needs. Seriously over investing in what was a dissatisfying relationship. Like most women, i too believed that was my role as a wife. I was 20 something. I outgrew this behaviour. Many women love too much in a deeply … Read more
Rape Talk
No one likes talking about rape. Its also difficult to hear rape talk. I was given the honour of being the guest speaker at the opening of Pfizer Anti-infectives Forum. The room was filled with specialist physicians who work daily with trauma of such high gravity. They listened intently as I presented facts on rape focusing specifically on the health burden rape brings to our country. And then there was a deafening silence .I walked off the podium dazed by this silence. I thought about it. Actually what can one say to facts that feel like bullets being pumped into one’s body? Silence was the strongest message of horror they could send. I bring you some of these facts. … Read more
The sexual “otherness ” of your children
The traditional “is it a boy or girl” at birth , that breathless moment, no longer applies to most new parents. Scans reveal all beforehand. Gender preparation begins pre birth. Pink and blue , the either or gender model, welcomes the child, leaving the child little choice but to be .. well, pink or blue, boy or girl. By age 3 or 4 years old, you will be the first to notice your child is “other”. She simply insists on cutting her hair and disliking dresses and he wants to play with the girls and loves applying lipstick. You take her to ballet and enrol him is karate classes. You resist the “otherness” of your child. I don’t … Read more
A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Ive probably heard a billion wicked thoughts in my career. Reading Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s book “A billion wicked thoughts” I got a billion new ways of thinking about sexual desire, sexual behaviour and the differences between men and women’s sexual brains. Im intrigued by the possibilities of intimate relating the Internet offers. Ogas and Gaddam have cracked open this public space and given us facts that are so outstanding I laughed out loud and held my breath in amazement. For example did you know that the most searched category is “youth”.. no surprise right. But did you know that there is a well defined interest in GILF (Granny Id like to Fuck) ?? Did you know for … Read more
Hot Flash Havoc
I speak about menopause a lot. I began doing this in seriousness after I had my first hot flash. As a professional trained in Sexual Medicine and hence informed about menopause, I felt confused, anxious and had a desperate thirst for factual information. Yes I know cognitive confusion and anxiety are symptoms of menopause but I really did feel lost. I wrote a book called Ageing and Sexuality as my way to gather scientific information and share with other people. There is havoc concerning facts on menopause. I am delighted to bring you an event that will inform and entertain you, provide you with scientific information and opportunity to talk to professionals in the menopause field , about your … Read more
What’s porn got to do with rape? My story
I am not a recreational consumer of pornography. I prefer watching opera. Seems to excite me more. I watch porn for clinical purposes. As a clinical responsibility to further understand my clients sexuality I watch what they watch be they children or adults. I also keep in touch with porn trends. For example when I learned that www.livejasmine.com is the single most popular adult site in the world, a web com site which gets around 32 million visitors a month or almost 2.5% of all internet use, well I had to go peek.. I am however a defender of human rights, especially sexual health and reproductive rights. On 14 March 2013 I set out well prepared to give … Read more
The language of cancer
I was intrigued when I first read Susan Sontag’s book Illness as Metaphor. She wrote it when she was suffering from cancer. That’s how life works, you think about it when you are forced to, leaving you unprepared to face life fully prepared. I ask you to think about cancer even if you are cancer free. I ask you to have an opinion about cancer , even if you don’t want to think about cancer. Thinking about cancer makes us feel vulnerable and afraid. Consider the language we use around cancer: its language of war. We are encouraged to “fight” the “enemy” , that our bodies are “invaded” by “foreign” bodies. We are encouraged to be “brave” . … Read more
Men who love sex
Are their men who can freely admit that they love sex, love the feeling of orgasm, even chase this experience? I was triggered into writing this article after reading a blog on the highly recommended web site goodmenproject. The article resonated with my experience as a couple and sex therapist, an experience of seeing many men squirm whenever they talk about their sexuality. I find myself having to reassure these men that its ok for them to share that they are horny, to admit wanting more sex than they’re getting and to acknowledge that they too have a right to own their sexuality. I am profoundly conscious in doing this, and am validated when I see the men breath … Read more