Article Library
Youth Day- a sexual disaster
On 16 June 1976 I vividly recall standing on the steps of the University of the Witwatersrand, watching the mayhem ,not quite understanding the seriousness of it all. I was a member of the SRC but when my children now ask me how I could have stood by silently for so many years, I realise how strongly information was kept from us, even us lefties. I was a white privileged youth whose parents’ greatest fear was that our generation would be caught up in drugs , sex and rock n roll. It seems obtusely naive now. There is no privilege in being a youth today. Responsibilities weigh you down, while a shining light beckons you to a bright … Read more
HPV and Sex
I am grateful to Michael Douglas for opening up sexual health conversation , even though it has thrown us all into a panic state: oral sex causes HPV? What is HPV? How will I know I have it? Should I stop sex/oral sex? For starters you are more likely to get chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes and HIV from oral sex. The viruses remain for life whilst the bacteria can be treated. That does not mean you stop having oral sex . It means you accept that you may well have an asymptomatic STI as may your partner. And even practicing safer sex may not be good enough to prevent this occurrence at some time in your life. No need to … Read more
Mens Health Month
June is Mens Health Month. I am always pleased there is an excuse to bring attention to mens health. Im not about to wear blue and march the streets to bring awareness of this issue. But I am going to use all my forums to keep talking to men about their health. Their sexual, emotional and physical health. Consider :where do men go when their health is compromised? They go to work. Go fishing. Gambling, drinking, driving fast. Watch porn. Want sex. Avoid sex. Go for happy endings . A small minority will seek medical intervention. Its this sissy boy story they carry, this cowboys don’t cry story. Clinics are the domain of women so men don’t feel … Read more
Am I bisexual?
I was fascinated with www.ashleymadison.com press release about bisexuality. On their dating site 13% of women seek out women whilst only 1% of men seek men. This is a dating site for married people so what does it tell us about women and bisexuality Sexual orientation is a self definition. We all like to place ourselves in boxes but our sexuality is fluid and as we age we change our sexual desires, fantasies, attractions and actions. People feel afraid of their sexual desires, fantasies, attractions and actions so we all look for safer labels such as heterosexual or homosexual. Are you bicurious? Be honest with yourself: have you ever fantasized about a same sex person because you simply are fascinated … Read more
Romance and Sex Books
In “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” Ogi Ogas taught me that more women read romance online than men watch porn. I was aghast and did some of my own research and found that all kinds of women , even smart women are reading romance. I began to search for and read romance novels. Venturing into romance books is not merely good business sense. After all I am a therapist first and foremost. Couples consult me as women commonly lack sexual desire. Fantasies are limited in women. Their sexual imaginations are not fed. They need fantasies to feel sexual and aroused. Romance novels and women’s porn can educate , entertain and arouse women – and their partners. I want women … Read more
Masturbation Month
Masturbation is the first and most popular form of sexual behaviour boys and girls experience. Reaching down and touching one’s own genitals is as natural and instinctive as exploring one’s toes, nose or fingernails. We just do it. Genital exploration is simply more pleasurable. Hence the desire to repeat this behaviour. Again and again. Welcome to Masturbation Month. A month in which I plan to bring you facts, fiction, stories , sex toys and forums to talk about masturbation. Consider your own masturbation story as you read on.. Sexism and negative rigid sexual messages often begin with parental response to masturbation: perfectly “natural” for boy children, perfectly slutty for girl children. Girls soon learn this touching of genitals may lead … Read more
Women who seek love and sex too much
It’s known as Compulsive Impulsive Sexual and Relationship Disorders in Women. It’s different from being infatuated , from having a crush or from wanting a lot of sex often. Its about women needing love and sex to feel whole, to feel well. It can result in devastating consequences. I remember reading Women who Love to Much by Robin Norwood. I instantly felt like one of those women: without boundaries, over giving to my partner, neglectful of my own relationship needs. Seriously over investing in what was a dissatisfying relationship. Like most women, i too believed that was my role as a wife. I was 20 something. I outgrew this behaviour. Many women love too much in a deeply … Read more
Rape Talk
No one likes talking about rape. Its also difficult to hear rape talk. I was given the honour of being the guest speaker at the opening of Pfizer Anti-infectives Forum. The room was filled with specialist physicians who work daily with trauma of such high gravity. They listened intently as I presented facts on rape focusing specifically on the health burden rape brings to our country. And then there was a deafening silence .I walked off the podium dazed by this silence. I thought about it. Actually what can one say to facts that feel like bullets being pumped into one’s body? Silence was the strongest message of horror they could send. I bring you some of these facts. … Read more
The sexual “otherness ” of your children
The traditional “is it a boy or girl” at birth , that breathless moment, no longer applies to most new parents. Scans reveal all beforehand. Gender preparation begins pre birth. Pink and blue , the either or gender model, welcomes the child, leaving the child little choice but to be .. well, pink or blue, boy or girl. By age 3 or 4 years old, you will be the first to notice your child is “other”. She simply insists on cutting her hair and disliking dresses and he wants to play with the girls and loves applying lipstick. You take her to ballet and enrol him is karate classes. You resist the “otherness” of your child. I don’t … Read more
A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Ive probably heard a billion wicked thoughts in my career. Reading Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s book “A billion wicked thoughts” I got a billion new ways of thinking about sexual desire, sexual behaviour and the differences between men and women’s sexual brains. Im intrigued by the possibilities of intimate relating the Internet offers. Ogas and Gaddam have cracked open this public space and given us facts that are so outstanding I laughed out loud and held my breath in amazement. For example did you know that the most searched category is “youth”.. no surprise right. But did you know that there is a well defined interest in GILF (Granny Id like to Fuck) ?? Did you know for … Read more