Dr. Eve Forum

I need to start by saying that I love my fiance; he is the most wonderful and generous lover and person in general. Our libidos are quite different - his being much higher than mine but we seem to be dealing with that ok. The problem is that I made sex all about him: I tried to give it to him as often as he needed it, and if we couldn't have sex I'd try other ways to satisfy him. Don't get me wrong, he is the best lover I have ever had and always makes sure I am satisfied first. It was my choice to make sex about him, and now I seem to resent him for it. I hardly ever want to have sex now, and despite all the right things he does I just want it to be quick and am not bothered whether I cum or not - which is difficult for him to understand. We have spoken about this but neither one can come up with any answers; there is nothing he is doing wrong. There was a time when he wanted to try something new almost every day, and it got to the point where after a 2 hour session he would already start talking about the nect thing he wanted to try and I felt that no matter how far I went or what I did he would never be satisfied. I told him how this made me feel and he immediately stopped; but I think somehow I've gotten stuck there. How do I change the way I think about sex? How can I bring the passion back from my side (its never lacking from his)?

Hi

I'm not sure why there is nobody answering you with any advice but all I can say to you is this.

I've been married for 20 years and my wife and I have the most amazing sex that you can imagine.

I think the secret to this is that we are totally comfortable with each other. We have become each others best friend. We've been through many rocky patches and to be honest it's been these rocky times that has made us love each other more because neither of us has ever taken the easy way out and given up. We've persevered and worked through our problems.

I think you both need to give each other time out, not even think of sex for a while (masturbation is always is a good relief for whichever of you is suffering from withdrawals) and start at the beginning by getting to know each other again by being together and just doing normal things together after having reached an agreement that neither of you is under any pressure to do anything you don't feel like doing without the other getting pissed off.

If you can both relax and let this happen then I belive that before you realise it you'll both be so hot for each other that something special will happen and wiithout even realising it you will have started again as if it was the first time you were together.

Ultimately it's all about commitment and if you are both really committed to the relationship then you will only know the results when you feel them.

Hope this helps as I am probably not actually even qualified to say what I have said.

Good luck.

My husband and I had the same problem. His sex drive is much higher than mine and I began to resent him for always wanting sex.

What worked for us was a 'no sex for a month rule'. We did everything but intercourse and I had to be the one to initiate. I had to initiate at lease once a week, but knowing that I was in control of what we did helped me.

The most important part is the talking about it. Well done and good luck.