Dr Eve,
My wife and I are very happily married 23 years, both in our mid 40's and enjoy an active and 'healthy' sex life. Our communication and mutual respect is good!
I have been interested in 'spicing things up' by jointly making use of sexual devices during our love making.We are concerned that use of devices is adding a new / fictitiuos third partner to our bed. If this is a possibility, then the idea of using sex devices would be unacceptable to BOTH of us.
Niether of us would not like to embark upon an exercise that would end up in regret or alienation from one another. Comments?
Dr. Eve Answers:
23 years is a long time to be married I can well understand why you are interested in spicing things up. I always think secrecy is the mischief maker in a relaitonship. Hence using a sex toy surreptitiously and being discovered is reason for trouble in a relationship. Buying a sex toy without discussion and forcing your partner to use it is bound to cause problems in a relationship. Insisting on a "fictitious third partner' is the death knell to any relaitonship as is any other form of coercion in a relationship.
You describe an entirely healthy and consensual situation. Sex toys and fantasy is beign discussed as adults in your relationship, both of you are willing to try something new, push through boundaries that may bring amazing extra pleasure with little threat to the marriage. In other words there is openness and honest dialogue and curiosity.
Visit the shop on my site and you will feel overwhelmed. Read some of the articles on my site and through education you will be guided on where to start: partner toy(http://www.dreve.co.za/shop/partner-toys/bong-o-ring.html) clitoral toy(http://www.dreve.co.za/shop/vibrators/clitoral/bswish-bcurious.html) rabbit vibrator(http://www.dreve.co.za/shop/vibrators/bimini-flash-vitamin.html) vaginal vibrator (http://www.dreve.co.za/shop/vibrators/vaginal/liv.html) and of course lubricant (http://www.dreve.co.za/shop/lubes-moisturizers-and-condoms/dr-eve-lube.html)
The fact that you already have open communication will allow you both to feel safe and contained as you begin this new adventure together. Only if one person feels excluded can it become problematic. for example that your wife chooses her sex toys over you every time she feels like sex or you want fantasy talk with every sexual episode.
Have fun as you enter a new adult adventurous relationship.
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