Dr Eve | Forced To Have An Affair | Dear Dr. Eve | learn

I desperately need to try and get some help before i am forced to have an affair. I love my wife, i find her as sexy as the day i married her, but she has recently just not been interested in sex. When i say recently, i mean in the last year we have probably had sex less than 10 times and it has i suppose gradually reached this point. We have 2 kids (5 and 10) and have been married for 13 years. . Is this a normal thing for a 40 year old women?

I am so tired of feeling guilty for wanting to have sex with my wife, I just do not know what to do of where to go with this.

DR. EVE ANSWERS:

Thank you for your honesty - driven by desperation and a loss of a constructive solution drives the idea of an affair into your mind as a good option-when actually you know it's a really dumb solution! Which is why you wrote :) There is no "normal" for anyone - having two young kids is fatiguing for women, especially if they work as well. Many women also loose interest in sex as the kind of sex they are having is not interesting for them or perhaps unsatisfying - yet have no new ideas, no way to communicate this to their partners. People get sexually lazy - especially if sex was never part of their lives, as in masturbation, fantasy, just feeling sexy as a woman.

I urge you not to turn to an affair- it will complicate matters-a dn besides which you want to have sex with your wife. I do not have a practice in JHB but there are great couple therapists there whom you could consult. Make it happen now as things get worse not better.

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Forced to have an affair

Hi please find out what she might be going through at the moment. Sometimes we women turn to hide what bothers us until it becomes an anger towards our hubby. Change in our body that we can't seem to change or hard to deal with make us feel unsexy. Regular holiday on her own might also make her recover from being a mother, wife, sister and a friend(sometimes it becomes too much).Goodluck

There , August 02, 2009

I understand it

I am in a similar situation, except that my wife has never really been interested in having sex. She has had orgasms and maintains that there are times when she enjoys it, but by an large she'd rather do just about anything else. How degrading and unsexy it is having sex (instead of 'making love') with someone you know would rather not!

Married for 19 years, I have struggled with this as I see it as a big part of marital love. Many aspects of our family life are great and we are a partnership with me definitely not being an old fashioned male. The other difference between my situation and yours is I did eventually go outside the marriage, and yes it did complicate things as Dr Eve says! The positive of it was i gained some self esteem from someone wanting me sexually. One problem was that it made me angry towards my wife for what she had done to my self image over the years. We have had some therapy, after a lot of pushing by me, huge arguments and plenty discussions...no change. I have given up and accepted that is who she is. Now I'm busy trying to work out how I must cope with it... the problem is the anger and the hurt keep surfacing.

H B , August 07, 2009

Ditto

I have a similar situation at home. I am married to a wonderful man: good, kind, doting father, not a big party-animal, drinker or smoker. However, I feel like I'm living with a housemate. I am just over 50 -- people tell me I look younger. I have a very healthy libido but my husband and I have had sex 4 TIMES THIS YEAR!! This beats last year when it was once three times in 12 months! I've spoken to him about it ad nauseum -- it's always been a problem. My last resort is therapy ... I've mentioned it to him, but he's not very keen. I'm also angry with him. As with H.B. above, huge resentment builds up and reinforces low self esteem. My story is very similar to the one above and results in depression and feelings of helplessness. Life certainly lacks spark when one's life partner has no interest ...

Rouge , August 07, 2009

I don't understand

Sori guys, Please women stop being selfish these are your hubby's for God sake. If you have a prblem talk to your husband that is what merrige all about comittiment.

Mabongie , September 04, 2009