I am gay. Kind of out. There's this guy that I have liked for 4 years and we have become best friends. Lately we have been sexual.
He lets me give him blowjobs and sometimes we even have anal sex. My thing is that he says he's straight and he knows I like him so he does sexual things with me. He never speaks during the act and he doesn't speak about it to me in person but rather over Mxit. I want to know if it is normal for a guy to do sexual things with another guy and still be straight? He says he has no feelings for me because I am a guy and that he just does sexual things with me to relieve himself and to make me happy. Can that be true or could he possibly have feelings for me that he does not want to show since he is so popular with girls.
Dr. Eve Replies:
Lucky for you that you can clearly claim a sexual orientation. Not everyone is so clear. You know how challenging it is to come out, to publicly claim you are a gay man. Because there is still social stigma, discrimination many people hide their truth. However there is another element to sexual orientation: it is often times fluid and non confroming to the few boxes that exist as in straight , gay or bisexual.
There are many men, for example,who have sex with men, who do not identify as gay, and may identify as straight. Perhaps this is where your friend finds himself. And this leaves you confused and hurt.
Everyone wants to feel loved, everyone wants to feel special when sex happens - and you feel used and uncontained. It must feel weird the way your friend is splitting hairs - he remains your friend and is another whole person with you via technology and in sexual situations.
I suggest you make the choice: either hang around waiting for your friend to 'fess up that he is indeed gay or accept his word: that he enjoys sex with you, friendship with you but will seek out a woman for a relaitonship- and may well continue to want sex with you/ a man. Make it your choice base don this knowledge.
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