My partner and I have been together for seven years and are mostly very happy. Since we got married, however, (6 months ago), it seems like he has lost interest in me sexually.
When we speak about it he says that when he is stressed out he has no desire, but he is quite a highly strung person so I don't see his stress levels changing significantly in the future.
I am feeling a creeping desperation ... have I inadvertently gotten myself into a sexless marriage? When I make my needs known I feel he is doing it out of duty and that makes me even more desperate.
To complicate the issue, we are trying to conceive, and I am beginning to think that perhaps he has changed his mind about having children (something we have planned for years), and that is why he is disengaged. He denies this.
I love my husband and I want him. I'm an attractive, sexy woman, and I want my husband to want me!
Would you recommend counseling? Please help!
Your letter reflects how marriage really is different from living together/courting. Or did you know this stuff before you married and hoped marriage would "fix" it? For example did he suddenly loose sexual desire for you or has it been gradual? Did you know/have a niggle that he was never that sexually interested? Or perhaps you realized that he had lower desire than you- which is fine - two people never have same level of desire in the relationship- but you could manage it before marriage. Marriage changes our expectations- many people expect more, fairy tales, perfection and feel disappointed.
I empathise with your situation- it feels truely terrible to be un-lusted, un-sexed in a relationship. First thing is to get your man to a doctor for a medical check up- you want to ensure that there is no underlying pathology causing his low interest. For example he may have thyroid problem , high blood pressure, high cholesterol even diabetes and this low desire may be a symptom of a disease. Or he could be depressed. IF all tests come back negative then of course the two of you need to go for couple and sex therapy. Perhaps there is stuff in the relationship he is carrying that you do not know about that could interfere with his desire. You also want to get the doctor to check his life stlye_ does he drink too much, overweight, no exercise , too much drugs . Do it now...
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whats the prob
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