Dr Eve | HIV + ?? | Dear Dr. Eve | learn | Creating Unique Sexual Lifestyles

Hello dr.,I'm am a 25 year old professional dating 31 year old guy. This weekend we were spending time together and I happen to touch his post box in the house and he told me not to touch it. I became curious. When he left I went through the box and guess what I found "Cipla Duovir pills". I went through the internet and discovered that these was HIV treatment.

What worries me the most is that we are not using condoms. He does not know that I know.Please help. I dont know what to do. What also worries me is that I'm not his only girlfriend but he claims that I'm the one. He seems not to care because he recently started using this treatment. PLZ HELP ME............

Dr. Eve Answers:

I chose to publish your letter today, 1 December, World Aids Day. I chose it as it unfortunatley perfectly illustrates a typical South African woman's story: turning to invasion of a person's privacy (your boyfriend) in order to know the truth, a truth so important to your well being. The truth of how diffiuclt it is to be open about sexuality in relationships and to insist on condom use- knowing fulll well you are at high risk of exposure to the HI Virus.

You have to decide how at risk you are if you confront him with the truth you now know. You have to set out to protect yourself - even if you do not confront him with the truth. Protect yourself by refusing sex without condoms- consider if this is a safe action for you to take before making ultimatums. I see this as a matter of respect- and your man is not beign respectful towards you. He is putting you at risk, openly as he knows his status. Consider if you want to be with a man who shows no respect towards you ...

Consider your risks before confronting or insisting on your right to be protected. It may be more dangeorus for you to place these boundaries. Get support from HIV/AIDS clinic and friends and family. Whatever you do know you have a right to be afraid, unhappy and scared.

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I would also advice u to get tested yourself and see if you are not infected already.

Fikile Radebe , December 09, 2010

Mrs

Hi DR, I am 28 and dating a man of 42 he divorced and have 3 kids with another woman, at the first time my family didn't like me to be in love with him saying I can't be with an old man who have 3 kids and married before,and my friends was saying the same thing as my family said to me.Is the any problem been with a divorced man who have 3 kids,I forced to be with him until my family accept, Now he want to marry me and his family dont want to write a letter to my family going to negotiate about LOBOLA, please advise is his family don't like me or what's going on. They phoned him saying I must phone my parents and tell them that they going to visit them is this OK like that.Please advise.

Gakena Moratakgomo , January 18, 2011