I have not had sexual intercourse with my husband for five years. I have always had this fear of penetration, I don’t use tampons any thought of anything penetrating me makes me anxious. I can handle anything else, stimulation and have learnt to please my husband in other ways but he has never been able to penetrate me. As you can imagine I was ashamed for many years, frustrated and felt worthless. I kept on thinking why is this happening to me, especially since I don’t know anyone else who is going through it. Three years ago, I was more relaxed than ever and my husband was able to penetrate me a little bit, as a result of that I have now have a child.
Last night out of pure frustration I went on to the internet thinking that maybe this could be a medical problem and that’s where I read up on Vaginismus. I was so relieved in a sense because for the FIRST time I had realized that there is something out there that some women suffer from which sounds like what I am going through. Where to from here?
Dr. Eve Answers;
Vaginismus is a common condition that causes much suffering to women and their partners. I can assure you - you are not alone. Vaginismus falls under what is called "genital pain disorder" and about 33% of women of all ages and stages suffer from genital pain disorder.
First task is for you to get a gynaecological examination . Once it has been ascertained that you have no genital pathology both you and your husband should consult with a couple and sex therapist/sexual medicine clinician. Both of you will be assessed and once determined that you have vaginismus, you will be placed on a treatment program. This is not a medical condition, rather a fear response to possibility of penetration, It is a pain disorder that happens in your genitals.
It commmonly happens to women who have grown up with sexual abuse, sexual taboos, religious restrictions and generally have a low tolerance for pain. It is terribly difficult for the men of these women as they have to hold back on their desire to penetrate and when they do try, they may well loose their erections.
It becomes a vicious cycle that needs to be broken through therapy. Do not be afraid, best not to wait any longer as it becomes worse over time. And I am always deeply concerned about the tension that occurs between the couple and potentially disrupts their lives. This condition is treatable, with good results so allow yourself the gift of freedom in your own sexuality.
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