I am so confused and frustrated because we are not married legally, I have been asking him since 2005 when are we committing legally but he kept on saying he is not ready. I have asked him about an affairs with her colleague but he is denying everything saying that the girl was flirting with him he is not interested. So, I don't know who to trust because this thing is going in circles, as for now I don't know if I want to be him my fiance any longer because I have lost all the trust for him. Pleasse help me with advices what must I do. Do I leave my fiance for good or stay in the relationship for the sake of my son.
Dr. Eve answers:
Your story is such a good example of how relationship expectations change with modern living. Your man is not honouring the traditional rules of lobola – he is living in the reality of a Western world together with traditional desires. It can be confusing for both of you. Yet there has to be clarity as one’s heart gets wounded, as yours has.
You want to set rules for yourself - what kind of relationship do you want? And as I write this I know that no matter the traditional versus modern rules, the most important principles of love need to be adhered to. Namely honesty, commitment, trustworthiness and respect with a lot of passion thrown in. These are rules you need to lay down. See if he agrees to them and if he can honor them in your relationship.
Be strong in how you want to be treated: as the other woman, the wife to be , the girlfriend, sex buddy or whatever. And then behave with the respect you request.
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