Hi Dr Eve.
My wife has been suffering for a few years with an inactive thyroid. Combined with bad work habits, lack of exercise and stress she has lost all needs for sex. To add to the misery, with all the bad habits she has grown overweight, leaving a low self esteem.
I try and help as much as possible, but its the proverbial leading the horse to the water...
The net result is a wife who is over-worked, over-stressed, overweight, low self-esteem, self-absorbed and complex-riddled individual.
As a result we have not been intimate in the last 3 plus years and when I tried to talk to her about it she just pointed out it is the least of her priorities and she is just not interested. Although I love her a lot, this cannot continue. She is 34 and I am 39, with no kids (although I would love to have some).
I have not pushed the issue hard enough as she is always in either a super fragile state or excessively agressive state (due to her career demands).
What can you suggest as compact advice or maybe some reading material, that will capture her attention?
Regards
Dr. Eve answers
It saddens me how we as people waste our early and mid adult years devoted to work, to collecting wealth in exchange for health, good relationships and of course great regular sex. Then when we want to retire, feel we have collected enough wealth, we look around and see how isolated, lonely and unhappy we are . perhaps we then take time to reflect on what it was all about…
I am most concerned about your wife’s health – she has all the risk factors for cardio vascular disease, depression and sexual dysfunctions. This is a typical story of someone who neglects to follow a recommended healthy life style which would prevent onset of these mentioned diseases. I totally empathize with your neglect both emotionally and sexually. But I wonder why you have tolerated this sexless marriage for so long?? What is your pay off?? I cannot offer advice your wife would like to hear – she does not want to change her life style, nor her sexless marriage. She clearly knows this is all wrong for her- but she is choosing to neglect her health and thus her sexuality for her own unknown to me, pay off. She would never accept a gift from me or you of my book Pillowbook (Oshun, 2007) – she would perceive it as pressure to perform. I recommend couple therapy – after your wife visits her cardiologist.
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