My boyfriend is obsessed with women’s clothes. Not to the extent that he would actually wear them but still obsessed.
He likes swimsuits, tights, stockings, leotards, things made from latex, things made from lycra, short skirts, etc.
He also has an array of sexual fantasies. Double Penetration, deep throat, gang bang, anal, most that you can imagine.
He spends time on the internet looking at porn or ebay and sees something and then he likes it.
About me: I am a conservative person who likes to wear jeans. I never caught on to the whole tights fashion because I just don’t have the figure for it, neither do I feel confident wearing something tight. I also pride myself on the fact that I will listen to anything and see both sides before jumping to conclusions or judging.
The story: Previously I had a trend of falling in head over heels for men who didn’t have a job or a car simultaneously. It was one or the other. With my head in the clouds I could barely see their faults. But as the honeymoon phase would fade away I would find one extreme fault and break up with them.
Then I met my current boyfriend. He had a car. He had a job. And I thought it was to good to be true. But as always I put everything into this relationship. Over time C started to open up and tell me his fantasies and fetishes. I didn’t judge him until he started asking me to wear swimsuits, tights, try double penetration, etc.
I contemplated living out some of the fantasies he had asked me to try but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I told him to do it with someone else. He refused. But he carried on asking despite the endless arguments we have had regarding this topic.
I don’t swim nor do I wear tights but I was happy to wear these items in the bedroom.
My problem is that he is ALWAYS asking. Not a day goes by where he doesn’t mention either something he would like me to wear or something he would like me to do in bed.
I feel self conscious, I cry at least once a week, I only ever receive compliments when I wear the items he has begged me to put on.
Another thing I must mention is that I do not badger him with the things I like. I have mentioned that I like men that wear gel in their hair, men that wear cologne, men that wear slops, etc. but I ask once.
I just cannot take it anymore. It is every day. I have told him how I feel and he still continues. We have been fighting since we met.
I can accept that a person has fantasies and fetishes. But this is absurd!
I now associate these questions with sex and a painful disgust. As a result I have lost my sex drive. When he initiates sex I feel a painful disgust as well. When I explain this to him he does not comprehend.
To me it feels as though it is not me he wants. Nor is it me that turns him on. Almost like he is trying to change me.
And many may read this and wonder why I am still with him… I love him. He is a great guy who does practically anything I ask. I can tell him anything. He is caring. Blah blah blah. He is practically perfect….
Besides from the continuous badgering!!
So Dr. Eve, other readers, do men grow up? Is it worth sticking around?
Dr. Eve Answers:
Its a real bummer when a guy does not have it all. You are so badly looking for a white knight, as so many women do. You found yours only to find that attached to his saddle is a bag full of sexual tricks, tricks that are quite specific and unique.
Unfortunately this bag of tricks does not match your own sexual and physical tricks- we all have tricks by the way. Some of us are simply more knowing and open about our tricks.
It sounds as if your boyfriend has specific clothing fetishes. Whatever the fetish is it is not going to go away. The fantasies sound pretty set too. I am sure you have yours but yours are probably flexible. Your boyfriends are not. In other words without the clothing/fetish and fantasies it is difficult for him to be aroused and sexually interested in you - or anyone else. Hence his nagging of you.
My concern is the impact it is having on you. Daily crying, loss of sexual desire and a sense of revulsion now around sexuality is not healthy loving.I am sure you love him for all the good he does for you and it it will be a loss for you to loose a reliable man who cares about you. However his sexuality will make you feel worse and worse about yourself over time and you may continue to love him but you will loose love for yourself. This is a deal breaker - you cannot stay with anyone who gets you into this position.
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