Dr. Eve Replies:
Oh how I hate the added pressure that HIV has brought into relationships. Suddenly trust cannot be taken for granted, suddenly trust is no longer the innocent "did you kiss some one else?" scenario. It is way more complicated than this. Imaging needing to go for blood tests as part of a courting ritual , offering test results as a proof of trust and commitment. What have we become?
Clearly we have become infected because we do find these rituals cumbersome and unnecessary. Because we want to believe in old fashioned love and that love will conquer all.
What to do in your dilemma? It is a matter of practicalities. Ensuring safer sex is practiced, that you get re tested and that you discuss her story of infection- how come she was unable to disclose to you? Is she on ARV's? Is she being taken care of physically as of course she can live well for many years. It is however the trust issue that is less practical and a matter of the heart- how to develop trust again? listen to her story, establishing trust takes time. Oh please do not reject her if she was unable to disclose- if she was cheating this is a different conversation. Both of you need to consult a HIV clinic and get information on safer sex practices. Is doable if you find your feet back on the ground.
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