Whenever I touch my girlfriend she really enjoys it except when I try to insert a finger in to her vagina.
I'm really gentle but I can't even get my first section of my finger in her without her cringing in pain. She is a virgin but is this normal and what can I do to make it better?
Dr Eve Answers
Thank you for being a caring and concerned partner. The muscle that surrounds the vagina is tight but will loosen with use. The first penetration either by finger, toy, tampon or penis is painful until the woman learns to relax which then gets the muscle to relax.
First prize is your girlfriend trying to get a tampon inserted into her vagina on her own.
She has to relax, use silicone or water based lubricant on outside of her vagina and insert the tampon. As she gets used to this sensation and learns hwo to relax, she should be able to tolerate your finger in her, together with the lube.
Frequently women respond like your girlfriend -sheer agony - and get themselves into a cycle of pain - they anticipate the pain before it happens, clench and contract this muscle and indeed penetration of any kind then feels agonising.
This pain cycle must be broken. I suggest she visit a gynaecologist who will examine her physically and talk your girlfriend through her anatomy which should help her understand and therefore relax a little.
If none of this helps, please advise her to seek help from a sex therapist. Call SASHA helpline for a referral, or call me in Cape Town: 021-422-4400
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