I desperately need some advise ... it is difficult for me to have sex with my boyfriend because he''s penis is just too big, I am very tight (according to him) and it hurts when we have sex, and I am not enjoying it. I'm scared that this will cause problems in our relationship and need to know what I can do? We have tried KY Gel and lots of foreplay but it is still very tight and hurts for me. I am at the point where I am never in the mood because the thought of getting hurt just puts me off. My gynecologist says there is nothing wrong psychically with me, (I go regularly) so everything there is good. I've never been molested or hurt or had any emotional drama or anything like that so emotionally I am also fine. I don't have a stressful job at all and live a relaxed peaceful life with good balance, decent exercise and decent eating habits. Basically I am too tight and he is too big and it hurts, what can we do to make it more enjoyable and less painful? Are there steps we can follow or try to have pleasurable sex?

Dr. Eve Answers:

There is new research that indicates that size of a penis has significant impact on the sexuality of women. The larger the penis the more likely the woman will expereince pain and with time, loss of desire due to the anticipated pain. Which sounds like your story. This is not about shaming each other, accusing each other of large or small anatomies. It is merely fact that a larger penis will be more challenging to women.

The question is how large is large-  and how tight is tight. Im not a numbers person- it puts people into categories of "normal" "abnormal" which is no good. All I know is that you are not stretching to accommodate his penis and  this makes you both feel bad. For sure it can be that your vagina goes into some kind of spasm in anticipation of the pain of his what feels like to you, large penis. And thus he will feel even more difficulty penetrating you.

The solution lies in both of you practicing patience and kindness towards each other. Your vagina needs to trust that he will ease his way into you so that it can relax and stretch open as best that it can. You both need to learn positions that will enable easier penetration. And of course lubricant. I suggest silicone lube , such as Pjur, which will keep you wetter longer so easing penetration.

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