7½ and half years ago, I had a bike accident and I got brain injured. I could not breathe because my ribs pierced my lungs and it caused part of my brain to die. I was in hospital and nursing homes for 5½ years. I am now at home for the past 2 years. Because of that injury, I used to be nasty to my wife. I use to shout at her often and it was my fault. I took her for granted because she was always there.
I realised that and I have been kind towards her and do not take her for granted anymore. She moved out of the main room, where I sleep, to the spare room, about a year ago. I don’t what to divorce her because it was my fault!
Again, because of that injury, I am now in a wheelchair. My RHS of my body is lame but everything else is working perfectly. I have tried to get her back. I have also said I want to make love to her but with no luck. What do you recommend??
Dr. Eve answers
I am sure you received the best medical treatment – such a pity that this treatment did not extend into the rest of your world other than your physical body. It sounds as if the consequences to your relationship and your sexuality of such a massive trauma, were not addressed by a health care professional.
As I am not a medical doctor, I cannot comment on the consequences of your brain injury on your mood, ability to communicate and of course your sexual possibilities. I do know that any brain injury will create trauma in your life- mood changes, sexual changes are common. It is really unfair for you to take on the blame for behavior that you are unable to control due to injuries. Commonly relationships are very badly damaged – IF there is no counseling, IF there is no helath care provider warning you and your wife about expected changes and of course giving you advice on howto manage these changes.
You also have to factor in your disability- clearly this impacts on your mood , your sexuality and thus your relationship. Your entire life has changed being in a wheelchair; your body image has changed. And your wife needs a safe space in which she can discuss her feelings about this change.
I strongly recommend you seek out professional counseling- this si too big for the two of you to try and manage yourselves.
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