Dr Eve | Respect - R-e-s-p-e-c-t | Dear Dr. Eve | learn

I'm 22yrs with 2 kids, independent with a perfect job.My boyfriend is 27yrs with 3 kids and he does not have a reliable job.We live together and I love him a lot,the problem is he does not contribute to our household needs and i'm doing everything in the house and also provide for him.He will not give me money for groceries and all our daily needs even when he has the money.He would always take my bank cards and use my money without consulting me and i cannot get angry with him because i love him and he always takes advantage of that.He always talks to me like i'm some piece of trash, he does not know how to apologize if and when he has done wrong.am i just waisting my time with him or will he ever come around to taking responsibility and giving me the respect i deserve. I think his family also see me as an asset to him because im taking care of him and i have off loaded them by staying with him.

DR. EVE REPLIES:

When a woman allows herself to be this badly treated, she will continue to be badly treated. Im not sure what kind of miracle you are waiting for. Truth is this man has no reason to make a miracle change: no matter how bad he is - and trust me this behaviour you describe is bad- you forgive him, you continue to "love" him. he knows this by now. So what would motivate him to change??There are no consequences to his very bad behavior. He steals from you -you continue to offer him shelter; he disrespects you- you carry on living with him and providing for him; he talks to you"like trash" - - you continue to lie next to him at night. The longer you stay in this very abusive relationship the less able you are to see how very badly you are being treated. Anyone reading this will say:get out. I know it is not easy to get out, to get rid of him. I urge you to get professional support - contact Rape Crisis , Life line or any trauma center, even Famsa. You can't do this alone so get the help you need. You are sooo young. Do it now.

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Comments (4)

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Miss

I think its the right thing to do, cause im having almost the same problem with my boyfriend. Ok he loves and i love him he dont beat me or treat me bad, but the only thing is that he is very selfish!!! He always complains when i ask him for money or for anything besides money. He always expect me to pay for everything.....and now i want to leave him cause im tired of begging him always...and he make me furious with his manners and behaviour. and now im even pregnant from him im 6 months now. Pls help me!!!!

Rozanne , August 28, 2009

My Opinion

Hey Sisters

I know u must be feeling right now but I think Your men is not thankfull enough in these days of recesion everyone is trying to save as much as possible.I think talk to your men tell them how you really feel about this if he continue treating you badly you also deserve to be treated well not bacause u are a breadwiner but because you are just a decent caring human being. What you should remeber is that loving someone doesnt mean that you should give up your own happiness you deserve to be happy too.Your man needs to find work and provide for his kids.Goodluck in your relationship.

Minenhle , September 04, 2009

...

Dear Respect: I have bad news for you: HE IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE He will 'use you up' there will be NOTHING left of YOU, your perfect job will change into the job from hell, probably have 2 or more kids with him, You are going to be an old woman at 35, Worn out & tired of life. LISTEN TO ME: kick him and his kids out. Start over without him, I promise it will take time, but you will get over him Stay with him and life will gradually be drained from your body, mind and soul. THEN HE WILL LEAVE YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE the choice is yours. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Read the book: Men who hate woman and woman who love them (the title could be a bit different) it will tell you what a masoginist(spel?) is. That is what your boyfriend is I KNOW, I WAS MARRIED TO ONE 25YRS OF UTTER HELL. At 60 I still do not trust any man, they ruin your life forever if you stay with them. PSE LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE.

A King , September 27, 2009

Dear Respect

THIS MAN DOESN'T LOVE YOU BUT USING YOU. Time heals, please let go and ask God to send you a good man, the one you deserve. PLEASE LEAVE THIS MAN BEFORE YOU'LL END UP TAKING THE STRAIN ON YOUR KIDS. Remember when something is troubling you, your attitude somehow changes and your kids deserves to live in a happy environment and so do you. LEAVE HIM PLEASE, HE'S NOT WORTH KEEPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patronella , October 05, 2009