The problem is that I am thinking of ending the marriage as my wife is not interested.
Any advice on an alternative??
Dr. Eve Answers:
If you get on to the forum discussions now you will see this is a very busy thread of discussion. I am saying this so you know you are not the only man who has this fetish. It seems predominantly male dominant- I am yet to hear from a woman who wants to see her man having sex with someone else.
My concern with your letter , however, is the intensity of your fetish. It feels this strong that you are willing to end your marriage . Wow! That's pretty intense! I understand that fetishes are that strong, I understand that if they are not fulfilled there is a serious sense of discontent and even deep unhappiness.Now I am referring to your problem as a "fetish" deliberately due to the consequences you are willing to face,namely a divorce, in order to meet your fetish. As fetishes can do this- drive people to extreme lengths to have this urge met.
Yet I have no other knowledge of you other than this letter. So in actual fact I can not label you as having a fetish. You could in fact just be a very dominant man who needs to control his wife, including her sexuality. You may be abusive, threatening to her in general. read through the threads in the forum and you will hear the voices of women who feel desperately unhappy by this demand of their husbands.
My suggestion therefore is for you get a psycho sexual assessment and once this is done your health care provider will have a better knowing on how to help you manage your situation.
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Watching
By pushing her you will never get her to do it. Have you sat down and discussed it with her? When my husband asked to watch me have sex with another man he went about it in a non threading way - he gave me the reasons why and how we could go about it. It was because of his approach on the subject that said I would try it - we started with small steps - a few nude massages - then the other guy touching me sexually - to him the performing oral sex on me -to me giving him a blow job and finally on to full blown sex - all along my husband was by my side encouraging me along. He has joined us on the last 2 occasions and all I can say it has been amazing feeling 2 guys do me at the same time.
So my advice is to approach her from a loving and wanting to include her in all aspects of it right from choosing the guy through how and where and when. I am sure that you would find her to be far more willing to chat to you about it than if you use the “do it or I am going to leave” approach, but always knowing that if she says no then it no and live with it.
Gill
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Watcher
I should have followed Dr E’s advice and read the forum first before replying. Just wanted to add a foot note in that it is a real pity that those guys chose the route they did when wanting to see their partners having sex with another man. If they had tried a different method of asking they maybe could have had their caked and also eaten it. Not only that, they have possibly deprived their partners of a wonderful experience.
Sure I agree it is not for everyone but for those that have had the opportunity to go about the whole thing in the right way will I am sure have nothing but a great time.
Any way that’s my 5 cents worth.
Gill
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sharing
gill you are right,people need to talk about it first before getting into this,we are in the lifestye for 10years now and its great,most of the time im at home waiting for my wife to come back after an hour or two with her lover,we have fun dressing her up for her date,so we are real into to it,main thing is to talk to her first.
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Out of the closet
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watcher
Well first off this was my husband’s idea not mine. If he was to ask me stop tomorrow I would.
Yes I did have my fair guys before I got married but have never strayed or have even given it a thought since I have been married.
The whole thing from when he first suggested to the time I finally had sex with the guy was at least 8 months – so it was not rushed into. Yes I will agree I really enjoy the sex when it is with him and enjoy it even more when it is the two of them. But I would be just as happy to stop tomorrow. My husband it a good and gentle lover so there is nothing lacking from that side.
To Sharing we two have a great time in the preparation of the evenings sex we have a nice candle lit bath with champagne then he shaves and dresses me for my lover- it is a tender and very erotic time for me.
Gill
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In some cases this is just trying to raise a red flag.
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That is not cool
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mr
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