Please note: this article is not based on the book or movie of similar title – it is my own construction of the same concept. It also applies to all sexual orientations, not just heterosexual people, despite my use of heterosexist language.
The intention of this article is to invite you to focus on identifying signs of when to pursue, be pursued, leave, or stay in a relationship. Whether a new date, or long term relationship its important not to be blinded to the signs of warning that this person is "just not that into you." Ignoring the signs may leave you unhappily married for too many years or frustratingly sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.
The signs are there from the first viewing of a person. For example, you see someone at a party. He spends the night on a couch with different women propping him up as they come and go throughout the evening. He is attentive and charming to each one. The red flag “Player” lights up in your brain, even though your genitals may feel juicy in appreciation of this handsome stranger. Remember this first impression as it is the truth – he is a player and will treat you as a play thing. If you are available for play.
Women are real good at ignoring the signs and out of low self esteem will immediately blame themselves when he shows all signs of “not being into “ her. She will justify and blame her continued sticking around by saying “its my thing”; “its me who is pushing him away”. Or “my history doesn’t allow me to open up to him/her so he avoids intimacy” So she sticks around, hoping she can change him, seduce him into being more present, keep him interested in her or sacrifices her dignity in exchange for a few cheap inconsistent calls, dinners and mercy fucks.
Truth is. He really is just not that into you! He may be a man who is unable to be into any woman for longer than “the moment” or may be so into himself that there is no space for you.
By tolerating these obvious signs you allow men to abuse/use and disrespect you.
Glance over these signs and tick off ones appropriate to a situation you may find yourself in. Add in your own signs...
Warning Signs
- criticizes something about you on the first/second date - even in humor ( says your dress is too short/frumpy/ heels too high/low; or complains about your nails that lustfully scraped skin off his back and left him in pain the next day)
- talks about him/herself all night
- does not eye gaze you over dinner
- does not eye gaze you during sex
- answers /talks on mobile whilst out with you
- leaves you sitting alone at dinner table
- does not introduce you after a number of dates to family and friends – even when in same room as you
- only sees you for sex –except forgets to tell you or get your consent that this is a fuck buddy arrangement
- when your body is restless , in a state of anticipation, unsettled.
- he is unreliable, unresponsive, inconsistent
- he makes excuses why he can’t see you that sound lame to you- they are excuses !
- he flirts with your friends/other people in your company
- he shows inconsistent sexual interest in you
- he breaks dates – at last minute
- he does “future talk” with you , for example, in post orgasmic bliss invites you to join him when he goes to work in Durban in a few weeks time – but this is forgotten in the light of day
- when your body is restless , in a state of anticipation, unsettled.
- he disappears!
I ask you ...
- How did you act on this behavior once it became clear to you that he was not into you? For example did you marry this person – to your regret as he /she is still not into you; or to your joy as you get to have a lot of freedom in the detached marriage?
- Have you ‘got it” yet that he is just not that into you?
- Once you have “got it” have you been able to walk away?
I recommend: walk away before the next excuse, before the next orgasm distracts you from the truth. Walk away as he really is just not that into you!
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I watched the movie today
I actually watched "He just isn't into to you" today but I also bought a copy of Pillowbook !
And I am in a relationship with a married man who does not display any of the behaviours in your article, he does appear to enjoy spending time with me, and lets nothing intrude. I was married too when I met him, about a year ago but subsequently left my husband (not because of him)but for other reasons..
I am very happy with our current situation, it gives me emotional, intellectual, physical & sexual satisfcation,and leaves me with the space I have craved for the last 20 years. However on the odd occasion I would like to be number one...and get occasionally annoyed with the "we did .... (in reference to his wife)
I know it is wrong, but it is hard not to just live for the moment..
S
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He lies nd cheat
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