In 2020 I stayed home. I have not stayed home for many many years. For the past number of years I have been on airplanes, buses, trains and ships, and stayed in many many hotel rooms across the globe. I have not stayed home.
Right at the beginning of lock down I used my home as my cocoon, and nestled into it. I needed to feel protected from an unseen virus and I valued being unseen locked into my home. From being highly visible on television and stages on which I educated people about sexuality, relationships and intimacy, I just wanted to be unseen so that the virus would pass me by.
As my initial trauma stepped back a little, I began to notice my home, really notice it. I noticed how I love the colours of the walls, textures of the furniture and how the light moves around the house, throughout the day and the seasons. I sat in my garden , and imbued the smells of the herbs and scented flowers, butterflies and birds and filled my home with flowers from my garden. #Gratitude #whiteprivilege.
I felt the sudden social cut off and knew I needed to focus on connecting differently . Using the gift of the internet I deliberately made time to have longer , more meaningful conversations with beloveds and others I care about. Avoiding loneliness is the number one mental consideration during covid-19.#resilience
As a further antidote to loneliness and despair due to the uncertainty the virus brought, and with a keen awareness of my professional responsibility to my clients to be emotionally regulated, I reached out to the professional trauma community. I began a deep daily engagement into compassion work, mindfulness, meditation, pilates, journalling and nature walks. #resilience
Feeling the sparks of joy , strength in my body and benefits of living this as a daily practice, I embarked in an online USA certificate program through the Trauma Research Foundation , with Dr Bessel Van der Kolk , recognised as the global leader in trauma research and interventions. #recalibrate
After all , like me, in 2020, you probably have felt how attached and detached you have felt to your own intimacy, at times wanting to be held tighter, and at other times, to be left in solitude . You may have noticed how you long for skin touch and sexuality that is pleasurable , no longer settling for the injustice of no orgasms for yourself as a woman, and a consensual sexual encounter, no force, no fear is your absolute right and deal breaker. #sexualpleasure #intimacyinjustice
I invite you to reflect on your own 2020. I invite you to note your “silver linings” , times that have brought you sparks of joy , exhale, Times in which you have felt proud of your resilience, survival, creativity and ability to connect . And note how you have consciously or unconsciously adapted and recalibrated to this frightening , anxiety provoking 2020 year.
I wish you a Festive Season in which you can practice self care, compassion, kindness, respect to yourself and others.