Why do you kiss? Here are 42 reasons

Cast your mind back to your first kiss with a new person. In a consensual situation,  it happens as  emotional intimacy progresses.  That can be within hours, weeks or months, of first connecting with someone.  It is  stereotyped as an universal  expression of  romantic love.  Or lust.  That first  lip to lip contact may have been short or prolonged ,…

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Strategies, plots and plans : sneaky ways you manage sexual desire discrepancy.

In August 2015 a momentous event occurred in the world of sexuality and sexual health . The FDA approved the first ever drug to treat a sexual dysfunction in pre menopausal women,  namely , Hypoactive  Sexual Desire Disorder.  It is defined as ” a persistent lack of sexual desire in women that causes personal distress.” The Society for Women’s Health Research estimates…

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Bad Sex and the Orgasm Gap

Im trying to remember the first time I became aware of having Bad Sex. Was it the time I found myself lying underneath a man who was thrusting and thrusting .. and thrusting.. in silence as he was so focused on his own male pleasure and ego that his need  to delay  ejaculation overtook any consideration for the person he…

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Relationship Trauma: Ways to correct the crazy

You simply cannot avoid relationship trauma. Perhaps you’re balking as you read the words “relationship” and “trauma ” in the same sentence.  – or sighing with relief as you resonate with this. After all relationships are supposed to be our ideal spiritual home, the place we strive towards as a sacred ambition . Relationships are supposed to bring us ultimate…

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Is your vibe killing your sex life?

It’s one of the great ironies of my world: vibrators are proven to be the most effective means for women  to achieve orgasm . Yet they are seen as less acceptable and desirable than other means of achieving orgasm . Perhaps it is the traditional and patriarchal belief that a man has to be the one who gives his woman…

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The new bedfellows: porn and loneliness

When I watch porn  I have to consciously silence the critic in me and try be present with the purpose of porn :  entertainment to  arouse the many millions who  watch  it daily.  I acknowledge and even enjoy the healthy, recreational   benefits of porn that promotes a positive permissive environment and opportunities for couples to actually communicate their pleasures…

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Commitment ambiguity hurts people

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.” You…

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Intimate Loneliness: Sex with things

A few months ago , acclaimed  German artist and visual activist SaySay.Love reached out  and invited me to consider creating an event for his upcoming Exhibition, “Intimate Loneliness /Sex with Things”, at the Gus Gallery, Stellenbosch , 30th January. Like a well trained automated bot, I reached for my device and googled. And did an In Real Life “wow” when I…

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Are sexual boundaries necessary for teens? Yes but…

Millennials and their younger siblings are living paradoxes:  they are activists, (#Feesmustfall #MeToo)  inspire sociopolitical change, embrace diversity,  and  are tree hugging  ecologically minded. Yet their  vulnerabilities are well documented. They’re experiencing staggering increases in the rates of psychiatric disorders,  loneliness, suicides, and in the USA,  opioid deaths. Their primary form of sexual activity is porn and masturbation and they…

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