Relationship Trauma: Ways to correct the crazy

You simply cannot avoid relationship trauma. Perhaps you’re balking as you read the words “relationship” and “trauma ” in the same sentence.  – or sighing with relief as you resonate with this. After all relationships are supposed to be our ideal spiritual home, the place we strive towards as a sacred ambition . Relationships are supposed to bring us ultimate…

Read more

How Marijuana Effects your Sex Life

Confession : I speak from a place of complete ignorance. I have never had marijuana induced sex. I have tried. Believe me , I have tried. Back in the day , like pre September 2018 when marijuana became legalised  in South Africa, I attempted to smoke weed pre sex. But alas, since I have chosen to  completely avoid smoking nicotine…

Read more

Is your vibe killing your sex life?

It’s one of the great ironies of my world: vibrators are proven to be the most effective means for women  to achieve orgasm . Yet they are seen as less acceptable and desirable than other means of achieving orgasm . Perhaps it is the traditional and patriarchal belief that a man has to be the one who gives his woman…

Read more

The new bedfellows: porn and loneliness

When I watch porn  I have to consciously silence the critic in me and try be present with the purpose of porn :  entertainment to  arouse the many millions who  watch  it daily.  I acknowledge and even enjoy the healthy, recreational   benefits of porn that promotes a positive permissive environment and opportunities for couples to actually communicate their pleasures…

Read more

Commitment ambiguity hurts people

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.” You…

Read more

Intimate Loneliness: Sex with things

A few months ago , acclaimed  German artist and visual activist SaySay.Love reached out  and invited me to consider creating an event for his upcoming Exhibition, “Intimate Loneliness /Sex with Things”, at the Gus Gallery, Stellenbosch , 30th January. Like a well trained automated bot, I reached for my device and googled. And did an In Real Life “wow” when I…

Read more

Are sexual boundaries necessary for teens? Yes but…

Millennials and their younger siblings are living paradoxes:  they are activists, (#Feesmustfall #MeToo)  inspire sociopolitical change, embrace diversity,  and  are tree hugging  ecologically minded. Yet their  vulnerabilities are well documented. They’re experiencing staggering increases in the rates of psychiatric disorders,  loneliness, suicides, and in the USA,  opioid deaths. Their primary form of sexual activity is porn and masturbation and they…

Read more

Singilism and Matrimania : are you guilty of these?

I have ping ponged between being single, attached , single, attached. I have experienced the flood of social  invitations  from other couples when partnered and the social  isolation  from these same friends when single. I am way past wondering why partnered people truly believe that single people have no life and thus available for baby sitting , or  over time…

Read more