CLICK HERE TO SEE ME TALK ABOUT “ENTANGLEMENTS”
A few weeks ago, a new pop scandal erupted. Jada Pinkett Smith, the wife of Will Smith, confessed to him via one of her public platforms, that she had become entangled with August Alsina, while separated from him. Twitter went crazy. Everyone had an opinion and the moral police had a ball.
I have no intention of discussing with you the moral nor ethical considerations of this situation.
I prefer to invite you to consider your own entanglements. I like the word “entanglements” as it aptly describes the feelings of glorious tangling of bodies and minds, simultaneously accompanied by painful tanglings in the very same bodies and minds.
Covid-19 has made entanglements way more seductive. Especially online entanglements. Locked down at home alone or with your significant other, has led many people to develop an increased appetite for novelty. And as your brain craves social connections, the desire for new novel social connections, cannot be denied.
ARE YOU AT RISK FOR AN ENTANGLEMENT?
I invite you to check your current vulnerability to having an entanglement. This is based on my research into Cyber Infidelity.
Tick off all the items that may apply to you.
- I need space in my relationship
- Revenge for my partner’s online/offline entanglement
- I know someone who has had an entanglement
- I’m talking and thinking about it
- I have been married for a long time
- We have an open marriage
- I struggle with real-life, face-to-face conflict with my partner
- Something is missing in my relationship
- I want to avoid intimacy in my relationship
- I lack sexual satisfaction
- We have a communication problem- I can’t discuss problems with my partner
- We have ongoing unresolved problems in the relationship
- I feel lonely in my marriage
- My relationship is in a rut
If you have ticked most of these boxes, you are at high risk for entanglement. You are also at high risk if you tick the following variables:
- Have a been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder
- Lack of enjoyable activities in your life
- Socially isolated
- Loss of sexual attraction due to ongoing marital conflict
- DON’T ENTANGLE WITH ANOTHER WHILST YOU ARE COMMITTED TO ANOTHER, EITHER ONLINE OR IN PERSON
This is not a moralistic nor judgmental recommendation.
Rather one from evidence-based research and my hours of therapy with couples deeply wounded by entanglements.
- IF YOU FEEL VULNERABLE, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER OR A THERAPIST
I recognize that the longing you may have to be seen, noticed, special, is real. Couples therapy goes a long way to untangling relationship tangles, without an agenda to have to keep relationships together.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AN ENTANGLEMENT CAN FEEL EASIER THAN TALKING TO A PARTNER
Communicating may feel a high risk for you. Perhaps you anticipate conflict, abuse, blame and shame so you avoid talking about your needs and longings. Acknowledge this to yourself.
3. BE KIND AND COMPASSIONATE TO YOURSELF IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF PULLED INTO AN ENTANGLEMENT
In this way, you will be more likely to reach out for support. Shame and blame shut you up.
Feel free to reach out to me via WhatsApp. Anonymity is guaranteed. Let me know where your anxieties, fears and worries sit with you. Tell me what is soothing for you. And what you need in this time of radical uncertainty.
060 890 1062
Feel free to book a teletherapy Zoom session with me right here… https://www.dreve.co.za/appointment/
For more information please contact my PA Shantel: firstname.lastname@example.org