Today I feel compelled to talk about “Female Orgasms”.

And somehow, I know that you will feel drawn to reading about this ill-informed, sensationalized topic that continues to cause much emotional pain and distress to women and their partners.

In the last few days I have had a number of couples, young people ranging in age from 19-40years old, who have presented to me with relationship conflict, tension, attachment avoidance and disappointment.  The common theme amongst all of them was: female pre-orgasmia.

The term “female pre-orgasmia “is a clinical way of saying: “She has not yet had an orgasm.”  The premise underlying this is that all women have the capacity to be orgasmic.  And under the correct circumstances, 99.9% of women are indeed orgasmic.

Ask any woman who masturbates and she will confess to wonderful orgasms when stimulating herself on her own.  These are her correct circumstances: no partner pressure to be orgasmic to soothe his fragile ego (TIP FOR ANY PARTNER: POST/DURING LOVE MAKING, PLEASE DO NOT ASK HER “DID YOU COME?”), no disappointment in an ill-informed, rushed, penetration driven man, and mostly, she knows exactly how to stimulate herself to become orgasmic.

She knows that orgasm happens in the Clitoral region… not in the vagina!


  1. PATIENCE – On average it takes a healthy woman 15-20 minutes to become orgasmic.
  2. MALE ORGASMS are reliable, happen most always, and with vaginal penetration, on average take between 1-3 minutes, 5 minutes tops. The delaying is a practiced art.
  3. VAGINAL ORGASMS seldom occur on their own.  Women need a long long long time of thrusting to get there – men need endurance plus patience to keep going the required 20 minutes.  And needless to say, this woman is getting some clitoral pressure to become orgasmic.
  4. FORGET about vaginal orgasms – they just are not going to happen. Remove the anxiety from men to delay and delay and delay.  Let him come when he desires.
  5. Penetration can be bonding, intimate for a couple, and a real gift to a man and deeply fulfilling for a woman… just don’t expect female orgasms.  Rather stay in the moments of bliss and hopefully connection.
  6. FEMALES need arousal.  Spend time on increasing her arousal. People call this “foreplay”.  You may be surprised at how breast, nipple, neck, all body stimulation, teasing, edging her, bring her to orgasm.
  7. Ageing, menopause, certain illnesses, and medications require longer arousal periods and more direct stimulation
  8. Invite a woman to show you or describe to you how she masturbates.  This is the best way for you as a partner to learn that female orgasm has very little to do with vaginal penetration: she will show/tell you that she only (or primarily) stimulates her vulva… also known as her clitoral region.
  9. Porn, fantasy, sex toys are additional stimulants women use to become orgasmic #nojudgment
  10. Oral sex, masturbation alone, next to a partner, by a partner, ensure her clitoris gets the attention for which it cries out.

Feel free to reach out to me via Whatsapp. Anonymity is guaranteed.  Let me know where your anxieties, fears, and worries sit with you. Tell me what is soothing for you.  And what you need in this time of radical uncertainty.

060 890 1062

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Take care

Marlene #stayhome