I hope that you are currently living in a home that feels safe and secure.  I hope that you are living without violence and threat.  And I hope this finds you in a sexually safe and consensual relationship.

Perhaps you grew up in a home that did not feel safe and secure.  Maybe your childhood was one in which you experienced neglect, abandonment and physical, emotional, or/and sexual abuse.  Or you might have been a child who witnessed domestic violence.  A child who lived in poverty, and experienced racial discrimination.

And now as an adult, you wonder why climbing into your bed with a beloved makes your heart pound, your body sweat and your breathing rapidly increase.  Though similar in sensation, these body experiences are not in anticipation of glorious orgasms and intimacy.  Rather in anticipatory anxiety and fear.

You may not know that one of the many consequences of childhood abuse, any form of childhood abuse, not just sexual abuse, is sexual difficulties.  Your health care provider may not be working through a trauma-informed lens and thus has never assessed the possibility of childhood trauma in your life – and thus not linked your sexual difficulty with your past childhood injury.

If not too triggering for you, read on about how to best manage your sexual difficulties that may be due to early childhood trauma.  Stop reading at any point that you feel overwhelmed.  Take care of yourself.


  • Acknowledge to yourself that your sexual difficulties could be as a result of childhood trauma
  • Acknowledgment could be the releasing of shame and blame that usually comes with sexual difficulties that have no explicable medical cause
  • There is a lack of positive emotions about sexuality. This creates sexual difficulties.
  • Your bedroom could be a trigger, an unsafe space, associated with your childhood trauma. Notice this.… without judgment. 
  • Manage your physiological state of hyperarousal (sweating, heavy breathing, hot flushing, tight contracting body, headache, ++), through breath work and meditation at the moment.
  • If your relationship feels safe enough, negotiate with your partner/s so that you feel in control of what happens sexually.
  • Low desire and arousal are the two most common sexual difficulties due to childhood abuse.
  • In men, this means erection difficulties and in women, lack of sufficient lubrication and genital engorgement.
  • Keep a good silicone lubricant handy for all sexual activities
  • A poor body image impacts negatively on sexual functioning. Notice this… without judgment. 
  • Work with a trauma-informed therapist who will use mindfulness and other wonderful interventions to bring you safely back into your body so that sexual pleasure can be yours.

Feel free to reach out to me via WhatsApp.  Anonymity is guaranteed.  Let me know where your anxieties, fears, and worries sit with you.  Tell me what is soothing for you.  And what you need in this time of radical uncertainty.

060 890 1062

Feel free to book a teletherapy Zoom session with me right here…

For more information please contact my PA Shantel:

Take care

Marlene #stayhome

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Sexual Dysfunctions