How Deep is your Love ?

  There has been no other time in history than now when love presents itself in great abundance . Love of frontline workers providing essential services, health care providers especially, is globally felt as one big heart pumping love to both know and unknown people in the world. Love is  shown to ex partners, to long lost friends, neighbours, to…

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What to do when you can no longer hook up?!

  Remember the days when swiping left or right was a form of entertainment whilst you were on the bus,  the toilet or bored at work? Those days when you could jump from one online chat to another with just your thumb doing all the work. And meeting for a quick hook up during your lunch break. Are you feeling…

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Tools to understand and manage Intimate Conflict

One tele-therapy session after the other , I notice the tension and dis-ease between 2 people who fill up my screen. In the confines of a screen I get to notice a lot more than when I have the same couple sitting on my therapy couch. I see the fear in their eyes, the tightness in their jaws, and the…

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I am in lock down with my cheating partner

A week into lock down and you notice that your usually shopping averse husband, is jumping at the opportunity to buy essentials at the grocery store. You also become aware that these shopping trips are pretty lengthy. Whilst thanking him for his enthusiasm and helpfulness, you wonder is it just corona virus craziness that has caused this change in his…

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Angry Words are a one way ticket to Gender Based Violence

  Has there ever been a time in your life when you have  got so angry that you ended up hurting someone you care about ? With words, not actions, just words. Words that left you looking around and wondering  out of whose mouth did those words  just come? Once you have returned to emotional regulation, you can be present…

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What do you do post coital? 

Place yourself into this scenario. The penetration has happened. He has had an orgasm, She may be one of the 15% of women who reliably orgasm through only vaginal penetration . Or more likely she is  one of the 65% of women who orgasm , primarily  through  clitoral stimulation . What happens now? What do you do now? What does…

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Limerence : a painful harmful love

  You’re at a workshop. You make eye contact with a person . It feels intense . A connection has been made . You chat. You feel there is a mutual understanding of specialness. You feel you have fallen in love, but really in love, not just   a crush. Not a sexual lust. A feeling so intense that it…

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Forgiveness of my perpetrator : yes or no ?!

I  observe closely  the hand wringing and   agitated  physical movements as I hear  the contradictorily   strong voiced declarations.  Declarations of hard work to get to this place of acceptance.and peace.   Hard work toward  Forgiveness.  This is followed by  intense gazing at me, short silences, as the person waits for my response. Approval is sought from me. Approval…

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A necessary new vision of HIV/AIDS in Men who have Sex with Men

As South Africans, we are all AIDS fatigued . It’s been around for so long that without blushing in  shame, we can ‘fess up  that we don’t enjoy condoms,  and that we don’t really use them reliably and consistently. And now that bio medical technology is here, why bother? A brief history of HIV/AIDS in South Africa. In 1982 the…

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