As I age I become more invisible as a sexual person to the public. The flirty glances from strangers and dinner party sexual innuendos disappear. Im bracketed as “asexual”, a woman without sexual desire, dried up and seeking “companionship” over a rip roaring night of sexual passion.


It was with delight and relief to see that whilst this might be my in-real-life older woman experience, online I’m desired and sexualised! Pornhub just released its 2016 year in Review. And there I am! Both as a MILF (a label I was given by my kids friends), and wait for it, as a “granny”! Globally the most searched for term by men was “milf”. To be fair, “granny” is most searched for by men of 55+. Still pretty amazing to imagine men masturbating over images of “grannies”, a label and status that I can tell you rids you of any illusion of youthfulness that these anti-aging creams and treatments promise.

Its difficult to determine prevalence of pornography consumption reliably. It is estimated that 43% of traffic travels to sexually explicit sites. A study found that 70% of men between the ages of 18 and 24 years of age visit a porn site at least once a month. What? How underwhelming is this meagre amount of information.

Hence my delight in having Pornhub’s data. Hold your breath: the total amount of visits to Pornhub in 2016 was 23 billion! That is 64 million visitors per day. The number one country was the USA, the UK came in as second and Canada third. For the first time South Africa has made it to the list as number 20 of the top 20 countries who most view Pornhub. We now hold the honour of being one of the horniest nations in the world. I can live with that!

Globally the most viewed categories on PornHub, in order are lesbians, teens, ebony, MILF, anal and big dick. The most searched for terms, in order are lesbians, stepmom, MILF, teen, stepsister, and mom. In South Africa, the order is as follows: black South African, black, South African, South African girls, lesbian, young black teen. “Big black dick” and “big black booty” came in at number 10 and 12 respectively.

What is the fascination of both men and women watching two or more women, making out together? I wonder if it is a tribute to the beauty of the female body, a result of over exposure to and sexualisation of the female body? For sure, these choices suggest people are tired with heteronormative sexuality and crave what they don’t have or can’t express they desire, in their own bedrooms.

Once you identify your motivations, you may well get rid of your shame and accept that porn is an enjoyable entertaining, educational and recreational activity.

The big surprise factor from PornHub is the presence of women on the site. I whooped with delight as this result matches my research on cyber infidelitywhere I asked women about their porn viewing. Like my research, 33% of viewers on PornHub are women. They search for lesbians, big dicks and threesomes. Can we now stop the rhetoric about women being low in sexual desire, and stop seeking medical solutions for women who are not “sexually dysfunctional” but horny, bored and afraid to speak up in their own bedrooms?!

As you turn on your mobile, and according to PornHub, 73% of South Africans are viewing their porn via their handheld devices. I invite you to think about what is motivating you to watch porn. Like the rest of the world, you are viewing Pornhub mostly between 10pm and midnight, with the happiest hours being Sunday through to Thursday and 12am on Friday and Saturday nights. You’re kind of quick, sneaking in 9 minutes and 36 seconds.

Once you identify your motivations, you may well get rid of your shame and accept that porn is an enjoyable entertaining, educational and recreational activity. You may also discover that your porn viewing is a way of managing out-of-control emotions that are proving to be burdensome in your life. If this is the case, that’s the time to seek out professional healthcare.

For the majority of porn viewers, usually referred to as recreational porn viewers, I invite you to checklist your motivations for viewing porn. You may be surprised at how hungry, sad, lonely, bored and just plain horny you are. It may liberate you sufficiently to depathologise yourself. Get rid of that nasty “sex addict” label. Educate your nagging jealous partner by sharing your porn motivations with her/him. Then responsibly join the throng on Pornhub.


  • Emotional Avoidance:

I turn to it when I feel down, sad, lonely.

I use it to change my mood when I am anxious, stressed or angry.

I use it to avoid feeling uncomfortable or unpleasant emotions.

I use it to disconnect from unpleasant experiences.

  • Sexual curiosity:

I’m curious about what types of sex other people have.

I use it to expand my knowledge about sexual possibilities.

It fuels an interest I have to understand more about sex.

  • Seeking excitement:

I use it to provide some novelty or variety in my life.

It gives me a sense of excitement.

  • Sexual pleasure:

I use it to feel physical pleasure.

I use it to help me masturbate for physical release.

Call me