The Healing Game : Tips on how to recover from Infidelity

I used to wonder why individuals  and couples who came to me in a state of crisis ,  near collapse, after the discovery of infidelity, never sustained their time in therapy. They fastidiously endured the critical initial phases of therapy. They would do  anything to make the pain go away. And therapy is indeed a healthy way of going through…

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Forgiveness of my perpetrator : yes or no ?!

I  observe closely  the hand wringing and   agitated  physical movements as I hear  the contradictorily   strong voiced declarations.  Declarations of hard work to get to this place of acceptance.and peace.   Hard work toward  Forgiveness.  This is followed by  intense gazing at me, short silences, as the person waits for my response. Approval is sought from me. Approval…

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Why do you kiss? Here are 42 reasons

Cast your mind back to your first kiss with a new person. In a consensual situation,  it happens as  emotional intimacy progresses.  That can be within hours, weeks or months, of first connecting with someone.  It is  stereotyped as an universal  expression of  romantic love.  Or lust.  That first  lip to lip contact may have been short or prolonged ,…

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Strategies, plots and plans : sneaky ways you manage sexual desire discrepancy.

In August 2015 a momentous event occurred in the world of sexuality and sexual health . The FDA approved the first ever drug to treat a sexual dysfunction in pre menopausal women,  namely , Hypoactive  Sexual Desire Disorder.  It is defined as ” a persistent lack of sexual desire in women that causes personal distress.” The Society for Women’s Health Research estimates…

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A necessary new vision of HIV/AIDS in Men who have Sex with Men

As South Africans, we are all AIDS fatigued . It’s been around for so long that without blushing in  shame, we can ‘fess up  that we don’t enjoy condoms,  and that we don’t really use them reliably and consistently. And now that bio medical technology is here, why bother? A brief history of HIV/AIDS in South Africa. In 1982 the…

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Sibling Sexual Abuse: why is this hidden?

  It’s a game. “Doctor- Doctor”  Brother and sister or brother/brother , sister/sister hanging around at home, both are  curious human beings.  They compare genitals. They may even touch and feel to fully understand their uniqueness and differences. It’s innocent as they are both under the age of 7, close in  age and they are familiar with each other. There…

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Bad Sex and the Orgasm Gap

Im trying to remember the first time I became aware of having Bad Sex. Was it the time I found myself lying underneath a man who was thrusting and thrusting .. and thrusting.. in silence as he was so focused on his own male pleasure and ego that his need  to delay  ejaculation overtook any consideration for the person he…

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Relationship Trauma: Ways to correct the crazy

You simply cannot avoid relationship trauma. Perhaps you’re balking as you read the words “relationship” and “trauma ” in the same sentence.  – or sighing with relief as you resonate with this. After all relationships are supposed to be our ideal spiritual home, the place we strive towards as a sacred ambition . Relationships are supposed to bring us ultimate…

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How Marijuana Effects your Sex Life

Confession : I speak from a place of complete ignorance. I have never had marijuana induced sex. I have tried. Believe me , I have tried. Back in the day , like pre September 2018 when marijuana became legalised  in South Africa, I attempted to smoke weed pre sex. But alas, since I have chosen to  completely avoid smoking nicotine…

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