Hello there,



In this time of radical proximity with your partner, either in person, or via an online platform, you get to see parts of each other that you either chose to ignore or were well hidden from each other. Some of those parts are your sexual parts.

You may be Zoom dating, or actually spending more time chatting to the person you randomly chose on Tinder or Grinder. Doing this Brief Sexual Attitudes Scale together, is going to give you a pretty good idea of whether or not you may be a future (what futureJ!??) match.

What a beautiful opportunity to further explore these sexual attitudes and values, alone, and together.

I know you may be gagging at the idea of having such an exposing intimate conversation with someone, especially someone with whom you currently have relationship and sexual tension, not kind curiosity.

So, to prepare yourself for this potentially difficult, optimally fun, interesting conversation, do the following:


  1. Focus on your own positive emotions: express gratitude for all that you have at this moment
  2. Consider what is good and kind and caring in your relationship
  3. Focus on 5x good memories that you have with this person
  4. Mindfully and with compassion consider what anxiety your partner may be experiencing at this time – they may be showing it through shut down, or irritability towards you.
  5. Read through the scale alone and invite your partner to do the same.
  6. Collaborate to set aside a time to share your thoughts together.
  7. Manage your anxiety when differences arise. Bring in the positive thoughts and compassion for your partner. And use this as a positive opportunity to reconsider and enrich your own sexual relationship with each other.
  8. Keep breathing to moderate your own anxiety – or excitement at talking about … sex J


Listed below are several statements that reflect different attitudes about sex.  For each statement fill in the response on the answer sheet that indicates how much you agree or disagree with that statement.  Some of the items refer to a specific sexual relationship, while others refer to general attitudes and beliefs about sex.  Whenever possible, answer the questions with your current partner in mind.  If you are not currently dating anyone, answer the questions with your most recent partner in mind.  If you have never had a sexual relationship, answer in terms of what you think your responses would most likely be.

For each statement:

A = Strongly agree with statement

B = Moderately agree with the statement

C = Neutral – neither agree nor disagree

D = Moderately disagree with the statement

E = Strongly disagree with the statement


  1. I do not need to be committed to a person to have sex with him/her.
  2. Casual sex is acceptable.
  3. I would like to have sex with many partners.
  4. One-night stands are sometimes very enjoyable.
  5. It is okay to have ongoing sexual relationships with more than one person at a time.
  6. Sex as a simple exchange of favors is okay if both people agree to it.
  7. The best sex is with no strings attached.
  8. Life would have fewer problems if people could have sex more freely.
  9. It is possible to enjoy sex with a person and not like that person very much.
  10. It is okay for sex to be just good physical release.
  11. Birth control is part of responsible sexuality.
  12. A woman should share responsibility for birth control.
  13. A man should share responsibility for birth control.
  14. Sex is the closest form of communication between two people.
  15. A sexual encounter between two people deeply in love is the ultimate human interaction.
  16. At its best, sex seems to be the merging of two souls.
  17. Sex is a very important part of life.
  18. Sex is usually an intensive, almost overwhelming experience.
  19. Sex is best when you let yourself go and focus on your own pleasure.
  20. Sex is primarily the taking of pleasure from another person.
  21. The main purpose of sex is to enjoy oneself.
  22. Sex is primarily physical.
  23. Sex is primarily bodily function, like eating.

Diane Poole Heller’s
Attachment Styles Test:



See my DISCHEM interview here https://youtu.be/RpSakbX8Tsc




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060 890 1062

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Take care

Marlene #stayhome