It’s one of the great ironies of my world: vibrators are proven to be the most effective means for women to achieve orgasm . Yet they are seen as less acceptable and desirable than other means of achieving orgasm . Perhaps it is the traditional and patriarchal belief that a man has to be the one who gives his woman orgasms. So he will slog at it for 20-30 minutes – or years. He will swallow pills, and harmful potions to delay his orgasm and keep himself harder and stronger, just so he can do his manly duty and keep penetrating until she has an orgasm or three ++.
“Stop”, I scream to myself , as I guiltily take this couple’s money who are consulting me due to her lack of orgasms. “Stop this controlling male behaviour , this pressure on you to take responsibility for her pleasure . Stop pretending that you enjoy penetration as a primary form of orgasm, girlfriend”.
“Give yourselves a break”, I say kindly, as I lead them to the sex store.
Globally there has been a trend of women increasingly using porn and sex toys. Sex toys are accessible , are bought online and get delivered anonymously or can be picked up along with the rest of your daily health care needs , like tampons and razors.
In 2009 Debby Herbenick et al from the Kinsey Institute, looked at vibrator use amongst US women. More than half of women (52.5%) between ages of 18and 60 had used a vibrator during their sexual activities.
Today that number is way higher. A special report, released by StatisticsBrain in 2017,, indicated South Africans were third in the world for sex toy searches online.
If one wants to know about vibrator use , one need only look as far as asking about people’s sexuality attitudes in general. You got it- the more sexually conservative, the less likely to use a vibrator. In South Africa we are conquering conservative sexual attitudes that interfere with health promotion activities and pleasure. And I believe talking about sex toys is a great segue into that conversation . They are fun .. and people want sexuality to be about play.
In the past fifteen years, vibrator use has entered the mainstream. Recent research shows that a majority of men and women believe vibrator use to be a healthy part of their sexual lives. However, others found the use of vibrators embarrassing.
Vibrator marketers have picked up on this ambivalence and addressed the image problem with innovative messaging and sampling strategies that connect sexual pleasure to a healthy lifestyle. Look at Instagram posts from Womaniser and Svakom , for example, and you’ll get an idea how these concepts are woven together : health, sexual health and vibrators for both men and women . This has enhanced consumer confidence to buy vibrators . And brought in a number of conundrums such as “dead vagina syndrome “.
Women reported using vibrators most during masturbation/self-pleasure (46%). Only a slightly less percentage of women, 37% actually, reported regularly using a vibrator with their sexual partner either during intercourse. Surprisingly, men were more interested in using a sexual device with their partner, coming in at 40%, and least likely to use it during masturbation with just under 20% of men using a masturbator.
Nowadays, half of women have had their first orgasm in masturbation at least 5 years prior their first orgasm in intercourse. Men use female vibrators in order to spice up a relationship (67%), with more than half of respondents recognising that they are using it in order to help their partner climax. Research indicates women say orgasms are stronger with vibes and self stimulation is more reliable in triggering orgasm than partner sexual activities.
YOUR VIBRATOR QUIZ :
- At what age did you first use a vibrator? What motivated you to use one?
- Has there been a change in your arousal and orgasmic response since using a vibrator?
- Has your partner sex been enhanced ?
- Have you experienced genital symptoms from vibrator use? Pain , tears, cuts, swelling?
- Have you experienced numbness from vibrator use?
- Are you able to experience orgasms without a sex toy ?
- Is there a difference in your orgasms , with /without sex toy ?
- Are you using a sex toy to compensate for unsatisfying sex with a partner/s?
- Do you have to increase the intensity of your vibe or upgrade your vibe?
- Why don’t you use a vibe?
- As a woman in a relationship, are you more inclined to use a vibrator than when you are single?
DEAD VAGINA SYNDROME
Growing anecdotal evidence that vibrators are actually “supernormal stimuli,” which cannot be matched by human partners. For some users, this spells a decline in sexual responsiveness and pleasure during intercourse with a partner.
There are anecdotal self-reports by women for whom vibrator use was making it more difficult (or impossible) to climax during intercourse and sex without toys. This is called Dead Vagina Syndrome.
Some believe that In Real Life sex, and even dating, are losing out to the hyperstimulating phenomena of Internet porn and sex toys—and some women aren’t happy with the uni-directional course their sex lives have taken
A study was conducted by the Kinsey Institute: After polling over 1000 women, researchers concluded that the majority of vibrator users “did not experience any side effects from vibrator use,” and that “vibrator use is a safe activity.” There haven’t been any conclusive studies that have shown whether or not an actual physiological dependence can develop, but many women report that frequent vibrator usage makes it harder to reach orgasm in other ways (like through manual masturbation or oral sex).
And some women have reported that after using their vibrators for a prolonged amount of time, their vaginas have become desensitized to most other forms of stimulation, to the point where nothing short of a jackhammer to the clitoris will get them to orgasm.
Let’s get sane and sober about this. Let’s not find another way to pathologize female sexuality by telling her that vibrator use will cause her DEAD VAGINA SYNDROME . Let’s get real simple.
WHY DO WOMEN USE VIBRATORS?
- Guaranteed orgasm
- Its easy
- Explore different forms of orgasms
- To make up for what they don’t receive from a partner.
WHY DO MEN USE SEX TOYS :
- Increase their confidence
- Can help you last longer
- Can help you stay erect
- Using sex toys alone gets them to know what they enjoy sexually
- Takes care of desire discrepancy
- Lowers embarrassment .. think anal play and prostate stimulation
Come now people.” Let your fingers do the walking” no longer cuts it . Just as the Yellow Pages became redundant so has struggling to become orgasmic, become redundant.
Here is my recommended list to top up your masturbation and partner orgasm game:
For her :
A powerful palm sized clitoral vibe with a strong motor that is easy to use alone and especially discreet with partner sex.
For Him :
Nothing beats the Fleshlight as a male masturbator .
2. Svakom Julie
Superb safe remote control anal plug.
A simple yet powerful vibrating cock ring. Great starter toy for any couple.
Essential for all :
choices abound from water based to silicone to stimulating lubes.
ASTROGLIDE just arrived.. I recommend that as your go-to place..
Contact me for more information about vibes