Commitment ambiguity hurts people

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.” You…

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Intimate Loneliness: Sex with things

A few months ago , acclaimed  German artist and visual activist SaySay.Love reached out  and invited me to consider creating an event for his upcoming Exhibition, “Intimate Loneliness /Sex with Things”, at the Gus Gallery, Stellenbosch , 30th January. Like a well trained automated bot, I reached for my device and googled. And did an In Real Life “wow” when I…

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Radical Honesty — Is It Necessary To Talk About ‘Everything’?

There is a complicit, unspoken agreement between a couple not to talk about certain subjects. Like sexuality. “I’m not a cheater,” says the man on my couch. “I’m a responsible husband. I have a job, I parent, I don’t abuse my wife. We even have sex together. So I fulfil the basic requirements of marriage. Why do I have to…

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Here’s A Guide On How To Amicably End Intimate Situations

Taking action feels overwhelming. Nowhere is this more abundantly felt than when ending a significant relationship. I work with complex relationships. Clinically this refers to relationships that have trauma associated with them. This might be a fresh trauma, like death, an accident, a job loss or discovery of infidelity. Or it could be a childhood trauma that lingers into adulthood…

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Consensual Non-Monogamy Or Simply Put, Cheating

Naturally non-monogamous people have struggled to stay faithful, despite good intentions. Cheating was always the solution… I know you are morally and ethically opposed to sexual and emotional infidelity. If you have not personally experienced it, you probably know someone who has. You’ve seen the wrist slitting pain, confusion, shame and the attempted clawing back to trust that comes after disclosure…

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What South Africans Are Searching For On Pornhub

As I age I become more invisible as a sexual person to the public. The flirty glances from strangers and dinner party sexual innuendos disappear. Im bracketed as “asexual”, a woman without sexual desire, dried up and seeking “companionship” over a rip roaring night of sexual passion. It was with delight and relief to see that whilst this might be…

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