Its 11am Friday morning. The jingle plays “Talking Sex” . I am alert and excited to begin the conversation . During the week my host, Eusebius McKaiser and I have mindfully discussed the topic and thrown around ideas. We aim to educate, provoke and provide a safe and professional space for listeners. However we can never predict listeners’ response to the topics that I have chosen and we, as a team, have carefully considered.
So what grabbed the most attention from listeners in 2019 ?? I choose topics based on local and international cutting edge research that I glean from academic journals and international conferences that I attend. And most significantly, I talk to issues that are raised in my therapy room. I seek to highlight topics that are relevant to our South African audience.
Drum roll … the topic that received the most listener response was “Forgiveness of my Perpetrator: yes or no”. The stories of pain poured through he air waves , with much support from listeners on twitter . Am I surprised?? Not really. After all this is South Africa where abuse of all forms is the name of the game.
“Female Sex offenders” received almost the same response – from men . Men who called in with their stories of abuse at the hands of female abusers. And then “Sibling Abuse” proved pretty popular.. Here we really broke the silence as brave /desperate callers shared well kept family secrets.
I was really gripped preparing for “Domestic Violence can kill you “ . I based the show on the brilliant award winning book written by Rachel Louise Snyder, In the show we presented really concrete facts and pointers to women living in abusive situations. The response was numbing with Eusebius holding the empathy and tempo in his deeply compassionate manner.
What took me by surprise was the conversations about “My first sexual intercourse experience” . I did not expect the kind of pain that emerged. Not one woman called in to talk about the expected first time vaginal pain with a beloved desired partner. . .The calls were from men . Men who called in and acknowledged unintended coercion of women. Of all the shows this one highlighted toxic masculinity in its most raw form . The inherited legacy that tells men that pushing a woman into a sexual experience is what women want. and is the only way to get sex from a woman. Eusebius and I shall continue to break down toxic masculinity. #2020.
So the second most popular show of the year was “Kissing “ followed by “Pubic Hair “ and “Cut or Uncut Penises” . I learned that Radio 702 listeners long to be kissed, that kissing is a barometer of intimacy, attachment and detachment. And when we followed that up with “What do you do post coital?” I knew that South Africans, like their American counter parts, are having bad sex!
Watch out 2020, I will bring you into the “Satisfying consensual sexuality ” space. Seems like people are needing more #101 basic sexuality education . But mostly, mostly the ability to have In Real Life conversation about these difficult topics that Eusebius and I raise weekly.
I am sure we shall talk more about “Marijuana and the effects on your sexuality “.. that show was a hit ! I am gathering information on “Microdosing and sexuality ” .. and “SkirtClubs” .. I know you will be sure to tune in to Radio 702 for those conversations.:)
An invitation : I will continue to have difficult , stimulating , thought provoking conversations with you on air. Eusebius will be there to hold the space for you and for me. As a clinician , I have a privileged window into your world of love, intimacy, sexuality . I know your nightmares, fears and secret desires. Whether they be about desiring sex with children or animals . Whether they are about your life as a sex worker or a blesser, a molester or a lover, a cross dresser or a sex “addict”. I will be there to educate you and hopefully free you from shame and pain as I encourage you to seek professional assistance when needed.
To whet your appetite , here are some of my trending themes on the agenda for you on Eusebius’s show “Talking Sex” 2020 , Radio 702:
Consistently threaded throughout each conversation will be the themes of gender based violence, masculinity , consent , safer sexuality/HIV/AIDS/STI’s and sexuality education of our children. Because of my on-going training as a Trauma Practitioner, because South Africans are traumatised, theories of trauma form the rock bed of all my conversations.
- The Spinster : following the trend of single women as a primary relationship construct
- Non Binary – what does this mean
- Diverse relationship structures – polyamory
- Vibrators – men and women’s experience of sex toys
- Transgender living and loving
- Sexual orientation fluidity
- Sexual dysfunctions – linked to mental and physical illness.
- Modern love /relationship
I welcome you to share topics you would like discussed on “Talking Sex” : firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you Radio 702 listeners for respect, engagement and vulnerability.